Sorry it took so long, guys... rest assured I will finish this!! I feel like I owe it to Cadmund after the crappy way TIIC have treated our favourites... as well as to you guys, who so richly deserve a proper story for Cadmund!!
Chapter 10:
Enough! Edmund roared as he launched the full weight of his body at Jonathan yet again, this time knocking him to the floor while he pummelled him over and over and over with his fists. Ive had enough of you threatening Cassie! Edmund bellowed, his breath screaming in and out of his lungs as he began to hyperventilate. What will it take to get through to you? Edmund struck Jonathan again. You miserable little SOB! I wont let you hurt her, do you hear? Edmund shook Jonathans battered face, his breathing completely out of control. Do you hear? Nobody hurts Cassie! Nobody! he screamed. Edmund looked down at Jonathans bloody and swollen face, his fist drawn back to deliver yet another punishing blow. Jonathan looked back, and Edmund could swear he saw resignation in the boys eyes.
No, Edmund whispered. No! This doesnt solve anything. I dont want to hurt you Jonathan. I never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted you gone away out of my way. Edmund relaxed his grip on Jonathans now torn and bloody shirt and let the boys beaten and exhausted body slip back onto the floor as he slumped down beside him, rubbing his hands over his face as if to erase the rage as it drained from his body as quickly as it had arose.
Im sorry, Jonathan. Sorry for everything. Especially for not trying to help you when you first came to town. Richard was my brother. You are my flesh and blood and that will always connect us. God, Edmund chuckled, perhaps thats why things are so damned difficult between us. The Winslow blood never seems to run lukewarm."
Apologies are a little late, uncle, Jonathan croaked. You wanted to kill me . Just now. I saw it in your eyes.
Did you? Edmund wasnt too surprised. I dont know. Im not a perfect man, Jonathan. Heck, I dont think Im a good man most of the time. I know Im not the same bitter, twisted man I was back in San Cristobel, Edmund reflected. Im capable of many things. And I have many things I regret. Many, many things Edmunds voice trailed off as he remembered so much of the pain he had caused others in the pursuit of his own goals. You and I are not so different, nephew. Edmund brought himself back to the present and continued, quietly and introspectively, I never believed I was worth anything growing up. My cold and unemotional father made sure of that. I almost died in a riding accident when I was younger and I think my father would have been relieved if I hadin fact Im sure of it Edmund was the root of his own problems, including this accident. I hate to admit that I could have produced such a child. They say there is such a thing as a bad seed. I never believed that before. Clearly, nothing was going to make your brother the man we needed him to be. Edmund recited the letter his father had written for Richard word for word as it had been burned into his memory from reading it so often. And even now the bitter tears of resentment threatened to escape his control. Edmund shrugged it off. His exact words, he explained.
So I acted out, trying to live up to his worst expectations and at the same time prove him wrongthat I was worth something. I bullied and lied and manipulated anyone and everyone to get what I wanted, Edmunds voice came out cold and hard as he tasted the familiar bitterness that used to consume him. But in the end, I discovered it was never enough. Edmund turned to face Jonathan. I used to think that if I got enough of it, it would fill this deep, gaping need in me. But it didntit just made the loneliness and isolation worse and fed my bitterness and rage.
Would you have killed for it? Would you really have killed me? Jonathan whimpered, sounding more than ever like a young boy, rather than the angry young man.
I could ask you the same question, nephew, you know. Edmund searched the young boys eyes, for once vulnerable and open. Honestly I dont know, Jonathan. I wanted power, I was desperate for poweranything to fill me up, make the pain go away and damn the consequences! Edmund slammed his fist against the floor in frustration as he recalled the never ending cycle of pain and ugliness. Eventually I realized that all I ever really wanted was the one thing I had no control over my fathers love Edmund felt the tears of his childhood pressing behind his burning eyelids again, as he squeezed his eyes shut against them. But hes dead. He finished coldly, a twitch along his jawline the only sign of his suppressed emotions. May he rot in hell, with Alfred!
Look, Edmund began, back in control again. I cant bring back your father, Jonathan. All I can do is share with you the kind of man that he wasthe kind of man I aspire to be. I thought he was weak once toowhen I aspired to be like my father. But I eventually understood that no matter what I did to Richard, no matter what I took from himhe always won. Because of who he was. Because he was so loved. And I couldnt take that. And I couldnt have it myself. And that drove me crazy!! Edmund sneered, remembering what a complete fool he had been, when the answer had been right in front of him all along. Until I let go just let go and gave in, Edmund relaxed, as if it were just that easy.
But how? Jonathan cried, desperately. How?
Not 'how', Jonathan 'for whom', Edmund dared to steal a glance over at Cassie and instantly locked eyes with her. Cassie, Edmund declared from his heart. For Cassie.
Chapter 10:
Enough! Edmund roared as he launched the full weight of his body at Jonathan yet again, this time knocking him to the floor while he pummelled him over and over and over with his fists. Ive had enough of you threatening Cassie! Edmund bellowed, his breath screaming in and out of his lungs as he began to hyperventilate. What will it take to get through to you? Edmund struck Jonathan again. You miserable little SOB! I wont let you hurt her, do you hear? Edmund shook Jonathans battered face, his breathing completely out of control. Do you hear? Nobody hurts Cassie! Nobody! he screamed. Edmund looked down at Jonathans bloody and swollen face, his fist drawn back to deliver yet another punishing blow. Jonathan looked back, and Edmund could swear he saw resignation in the boys eyes.
No, Edmund whispered. No! This doesnt solve anything. I dont want to hurt you Jonathan. I never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted you gone away out of my way. Edmund relaxed his grip on Jonathans now torn and bloody shirt and let the boys beaten and exhausted body slip back onto the floor as he slumped down beside him, rubbing his hands over his face as if to erase the rage as it drained from his body as quickly as it had arose.
Im sorry, Jonathan. Sorry for everything. Especially for not trying to help you when you first came to town. Richard was my brother. You are my flesh and blood and that will always connect us. God, Edmund chuckled, perhaps thats why things are so damned difficult between us. The Winslow blood never seems to run lukewarm."
Apologies are a little late, uncle, Jonathan croaked. You wanted to kill me . Just now. I saw it in your eyes.
Did you? Edmund wasnt too surprised. I dont know. Im not a perfect man, Jonathan. Heck, I dont think Im a good man most of the time. I know Im not the same bitter, twisted man I was back in San Cristobel, Edmund reflected. Im capable of many things. And I have many things I regret. Many, many things Edmunds voice trailed off as he remembered so much of the pain he had caused others in the pursuit of his own goals. You and I are not so different, nephew. Edmund brought himself back to the present and continued, quietly and introspectively, I never believed I was worth anything growing up. My cold and unemotional father made sure of that. I almost died in a riding accident when I was younger and I think my father would have been relieved if I hadin fact Im sure of it Edmund was the root of his own problems, including this accident. I hate to admit that I could have produced such a child. They say there is such a thing as a bad seed. I never believed that before. Clearly, nothing was going to make your brother the man we needed him to be. Edmund recited the letter his father had written for Richard word for word as it had been burned into his memory from reading it so often. And even now the bitter tears of resentment threatened to escape his control. Edmund shrugged it off. His exact words, he explained.
So I acted out, trying to live up to his worst expectations and at the same time prove him wrongthat I was worth something. I bullied and lied and manipulated anyone and everyone to get what I wanted, Edmunds voice came out cold and hard as he tasted the familiar bitterness that used to consume him. But in the end, I discovered it was never enough. Edmund turned to face Jonathan. I used to think that if I got enough of it, it would fill this deep, gaping need in me. But it didntit just made the loneliness and isolation worse and fed my bitterness and rage.
Would you have killed for it? Would you really have killed me? Jonathan whimpered, sounding more than ever like a young boy, rather than the angry young man.
I could ask you the same question, nephew, you know. Edmund searched the young boys eyes, for once vulnerable and open. Honestly I dont know, Jonathan. I wanted power, I was desperate for poweranything to fill me up, make the pain go away and damn the consequences! Edmund slammed his fist against the floor in frustration as he recalled the never ending cycle of pain and ugliness. Eventually I realized that all I ever really wanted was the one thing I had no control over my fathers love Edmund felt the tears of his childhood pressing behind his burning eyelids again, as he squeezed his eyes shut against them. But hes dead. He finished coldly, a twitch along his jawline the only sign of his suppressed emotions. May he rot in hell, with Alfred!
Look, Edmund began, back in control again. I cant bring back your father, Jonathan. All I can do is share with you the kind of man that he wasthe kind of man I aspire to be. I thought he was weak once toowhen I aspired to be like my father. But I eventually understood that no matter what I did to Richard, no matter what I took from himhe always won. Because of who he was. Because he was so loved. And I couldnt take that. And I couldnt have it myself. And that drove me crazy!! Edmund sneered, remembering what a complete fool he had been, when the answer had been right in front of him all along. Until I let go just let go and gave in, Edmund relaxed, as if it were just that easy.
But how? Jonathan cried, desperately. How?
Not 'how', Jonathan 'for whom', Edmund dared to steal a glance over at Cassie and instantly locked eyes with her. Cassie, Edmund declared from his heart. For Cassie.
